You called me selfish and being not understanding. But, don't you know, in a relationship, both partners can be slightly selfish towards each other? You always have your dinner with your friends. You always promised to call me later. But you never did. I'm pretty sure you never intend to. You always end my calls, not responding my messages, hung up on me whenever you heard something you dislike or whenever you feel like it, you stab me and step on me whenever I'm down and needed your shoulder to cry on, you left me stranded not knowing what to do next and later, but just waiting for you, you always get your way nowadays, you never apologize for the things you did that hurt me, you hung up on me even though I'm crying, you tell me on my face "You're one of the MOST vunerable, selfish. not understanding, unloyal, problematic girlfriend I've ever had in my life!". Yet, you never apologize for that. You're not afraid that I'll leave, because you know I'll always come back. And you can dominate and control me whenever you like..

At times, being hard and cold to you is really difficult. I always have to TRY to do so, but in the very end, it fails. But not you. You can do it so easily, with the snap of your fingers. Being harsh on you, somehow makes me much more nicer to me. Then slowly, my thoughts will change, and I will be nicer and nicer and treats you way better. Then, there is the time, when you yell at me, ignored me, forgotten about the calls you were suppose to make, forgotten to wake up and come early for our date, raise your voice at me, being harsh and mean to me on the phone, asking me questions that hurt me so much. And thats the time, I wonder, if you're interested in another, or you're ACTUALLY seeing another, or you're no longer interested in our love field.

Your actions tells me so. But you wouldn't let me go. 

You kept doing the same thing, again and again. Hurting me . Making me cry. Hanging up on me.

I don't know how to make you realize. To make you SEE how I'm hurting with your actions and words. How we're actually falling apart and drifting away..

One day, when I really couldn't take it anymore, I WOULD leave. I wouldn't say I WILL. But, I WOULD leave. I'm unhappy. I'm not feeling your love. Instead, I'm feeling lonely, unwanted, not needed and unloved. I'm lost. I NEED to find myself. I need get back up and focus on my goals. But no. I'm dissapointed in myself. I cried most of the nights, I have eye-bags. I always lay in bed, thinking on how to fix this relationship. A relationship that you don't seem to bother and care. I should be doing my assignments. I should be focusing on my studies and exams. But no, I tend to drift away. I'm falling in to pieces. No, I'm not being melodramatic. This is how exactly I'm feeling. Even during work, I drift away. Thinking about those times when everything is so perfect like how it used to be. But, not anymore. I'm not being myself anymore.

I'm mostly alone in college after class. Going to the Media Hub to get my notes, off to another block to get my notes stapled and punch-holed in the library, off to another block to get my drinks refill. Back to the Media Hub to online and waste my time. Then take the train and bus and walked home.

I'm always lying to my mom, that I have fun and I'm happy. I have lots of friends to hang out with. But no. I'm not. I'm not feeling like myself. I back off from crowded places. I stopped going to events and parties. I'm usually with one girl or two, or I'm mostly alone. I just hate myself. Hate how I've become!

And you were barely there for me anymore. You don't understand me. You never bother about me.. 

I hate how everything has become. Life IS a roller-coaster..

xo

You called me selfish and being not understanding. But, don't you know, in a relationship, both partners can be slightly selfish towards each other? You always have your dinner with your friends. You always promised to call me later. But you never did. I'm pretty sure you never intend to. You always end my calls, not responding my messages, hung up on me whenever you heard something you dislike or whenever you feel like it, you stab me and step on me whenever I'm down and needed your shoulder to cry on, you left me stranded not knowing what to do next and later, but just waiting for you, you always get your way nowadays, you never apologize for the things you did that hurt me, you hung up on me even though I'm crying, you tell me on my face "You're one of the MOST vunerable, selfish. not understanding, unloyal, problematic girlfriend I've ever had in my life!". Yet, you never apologize for that. You're not afraid that I'll leave, because you know I'll always come back. And you can dominate and control me whenever you like..

At times, being hard and cold to you is really difficult. I always have to TRY to do so, but in the very end, it fails. But not you. You can do it so easily, with the snap of your fingers. Being harsh on you, somehow makes me much more nicer to me. Then slowly, my thoughts will change, and I will be nicer and nicer and treats you way better. Then, there is the time, when you yell at me, ignored me, forgotten about the calls you were suppose to make, forgotten to wake up and come early for our date, raise your voice at me, being harsh and mean to me on the phone, asking me questions that hurt me so much. And thats the time, I wonder, if you're interested in another, or you're ACTUALLY seeing another, or you're no longer interested in our love field.

Your actions tells me so. But you wouldn't let me go. 

You kept doing the same thing, again and again. Hurting me . Making me cry. Hanging up on me.

I don't know how to make you realize. To make you SEE how I'm hurting with your actions and words. How we're actually falling apart and drifting away..

One day, when I really couldn't take it anymore, I WOULD leave. I wouldn't say I WILL. But, I WOULD leave. I'm unhappy. I'm not feeling your love. Instead, I'm feeling lonely, unwanted, not needed and unloved. I'm lost. I NEED to find myself. I need get back up and focus on my goals. But no. I'm dissapointed in myself. I cried most of the nights, I have eye-bags. I always lay in bed, thinking on how to fix this relationship. A relationship that you don't seem to bother and care. I should be doing my assignments. I should be focusing on my studies and exams. But no, I tend to drift away. I'm falling in to pieces. No, I'm not being melodramatic. This is how exactly I'm feeling. Even during work, I drift away. Thinking about those times when everything is so perfect like how it used to be. But, not anymore. I'm not being myself anymore.

I'm mostly alone in college after class. Going to the Media Hub to get my notes, off to another block to get my notes stapled and punch-holed in the library, off to another block to get my drinks refill. Back to the Media Hub to online and waste my time. Then take the train and bus and walked home.

I'm always lying to my mom, that I have fun and I'm happy. I have lots of friends to hang out with. But no. I'm not. I'm not feeling like myself. I back off from crowded places. I stopped going to events and parties. I'm usually with one girl or two, or I'm mostly alone. I just hate myself. Hate how I've become!

And you were barely there for me anymore. You don't understand me. You never bother about me.. 

I hate how everything has become. Life IS a roller-coaster..

xo