|
Adverts
Tagboard
ShoutMix chat widget
Credits
Icon: LJ/sixthmile
Layout: tuesdaynight
Inspiration: DayBefore!Misery
|
Cupid Is Gone
Written on: Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Time: 10:46 AM
Things were a little messy recently. I thought perhaps it could be fix or something. But, it just won't go any of the good ways. It just wont do any good. It keeps going down and down. It is hard to cope up with my studies, my social, my friends, myself and my relationship. I don't know about any of you who feels the same, but I do. No one will understand better than of course, yours truly.
I adore Valentines. I always do. I never really celebrated valentines before. But just twice, I received a gift from one of my ex-boyf who is now my close buddy & last year's. I never receive any roses or flowers and those sorts of things. Hah. But all these while, I'm single AND alone for valentines. Sometimes, I asked myself, what is so great about Valentines? Its about love. Duh. But, what if love no longer comes your way? I used to loved love. But things are not so good now.
It is now wee hour in the morning. I just couldn't sleep. Just for once, for ONCE, I really want to close my eyes and never wake up. How peaceful and painless it will be? Is there such things as fairytale? Come on, it is reality. Snap back to it, people!
Whenever I see couples or love birds walking around or appearing in photos, I used to NOT envy them.( see the word "USED" to. it shows that I do now actually.) Because I have mine. I'm happy. I'm extremely happy. Because nobody ever gave me this strong feeling before. The feeling of I'll-do-anything-for-love-because-I'm-really-so-in-love-with-you. Knowing that you'll be there for me. You'll teach me something new. Knowing you'll shower me with care, loads and loads of love. Knowing you'll tolerate me and truly understand me.
But things are so different now. We are so different. There are slamming, throwing, punching, pushing, yelling, screaming, ignorance, walking away, nasty comments, foul lauguage, nasty and mean words coming from that lips of ours. What have WE actually became? NONE of us want to admit. NONE of us want to change. NONE of us is actually happy anymore. But we kept going. We kept believing that we WILL change. we WILL make a differance. we DEFINITELY will fix this shit up. But, it just doesn't go our way at times.
I know when you're reading this, you must be thinking, 'Why can't you be like other girls? Write about the HAPPY us in your blog? Instead of THIS piece of shit.' But no. I swear I have by NO means of trashing you or insulting you in any ways. I just want to express myself. For once, I want to do this FOR MYSELF. I'm writing this base on MY experiance. I'm depressed. I may look glowing and happy. Laughing and all smiles. But that doesn't mean I'm happy! I'm really hurting inside.
Nobody will understand me. This world is NOT fair. Perhaps I depended way too much on you. I miss you. I miss me. I miss the old-us. I want us back. But, I know I can't. It don't exist anymore. It is just a one time deal thing.
By no means, I'm celebrating the oh-so-lovey-dovey Valentine, lying down on my bed, read a book, a hot-chocolate with marshmellow is a defenite & to turn off the cellphone. Remember, it is our one year and six months. We should be smiling. We should be planning a dinner. Gifts. Plans. But, we're not. Instead, it is all arguements. I can already smell something filthy going on this entire week and also the rest of the week.
I'm tired. At times, I wish I could just end it all. But this is too much too handle. I wouldn't know what to do without you? How life would be without you? I'm a coward. I'm chicken out to try such things. I'm lost. & there is no longer a YOU to guide me anymore..
Do i deserve this? Do you deserve this? Who's to decide that but us. But, I decide not to talk about that. So lets just skip it.
Loving someone,
does not mean they have to be together,
for the rest of their lives.
They'll wait.
Wait for the rest of their lives,
for each other.
Yours truly.
|
Cupid Is Gone
Written on: Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Time: 10:46 AM
Things were a little messy recently. I thought perhaps it could be fix or something. But, it just won't go any of the good ways. It just wont do any good. It keeps going down and down. It is hard to cope up with my studies, my social, my friends, myself and my relationship. I don't know about any of you who feels the same, but I do. No one will understand better than of course, yours truly.
I adore Valentines. I always do. I never really celebrated valentines before. But just twice, I received a gift from one of my ex-boyf who is now my close buddy & last year's. I never receive any roses or flowers and those sorts of things. Hah. But all these while, I'm single AND alone for valentines. Sometimes, I asked myself, what is so great about Valentines? Its about love. Duh. But, what if love no longer comes your way? I used to loved love. But things are not so good now.
It is now wee hour in the morning. I just couldn't sleep. Just for once, for ONCE, I really want to close my eyes and never wake up. How peaceful and painless it will be? Is there such things as fairytale? Come on, it is reality. Snap back to it, people!
Whenever I see couples or love birds walking around or appearing in photos, I used to NOT envy them.( see the word "USED" to. it shows that I do now actually.) Because I have mine. I'm happy. I'm extremely happy. Because nobody ever gave me this strong feeling before. The feeling of I'll-do-anything-for-love-because-I'm-really-so-in-love-with-you. Knowing that you'll be there for me. You'll teach me something new. Knowing you'll shower me with care, loads and loads of love. Knowing you'll tolerate me and truly understand me.
But things are so different now. We are so different. There are slamming, throwing, punching, pushing, yelling, screaming, ignorance, walking away, nasty comments, foul lauguage, nasty and mean words coming from that lips of ours. What have WE actually became? NONE of us want to admit. NONE of us want to change. NONE of us is actually happy anymore. But we kept going. We kept believing that we WILL change. we WILL make a differance. we DEFINITELY will fix this shit up. But, it just doesn't go our way at times.
I know when you're reading this, you must be thinking, 'Why can't you be like other girls? Write about the HAPPY us in your blog? Instead of THIS piece of shit.' But no. I swear I have by NO means of trashing you or insulting you in any ways. I just want to express myself. For once, I want to do this FOR MYSELF. I'm writing this base on MY experiance. I'm depressed. I may look glowing and happy. Laughing and all smiles. But that doesn't mean I'm happy! I'm really hurting inside.
Nobody will understand me. This world is NOT fair. Perhaps I depended way too much on you. I miss you. I miss me. I miss the old-us. I want us back. But, I know I can't. It don't exist anymore. It is just a one time deal thing.
By no means, I'm celebrating the oh-so-lovey-dovey Valentine, lying down on my bed, read a book, a hot-chocolate with marshmellow is a defenite & to turn off the cellphone. Remember, it is our one year and six months. We should be smiling. We should be planning a dinner. Gifts. Plans. But, we're not. Instead, it is all arguements. I can already smell something filthy going on this entire week and also the rest of the week.
I'm tired. At times, I wish I could just end it all. But this is too much too handle. I wouldn't know what to do without you? How life would be without you? I'm a coward. I'm chicken out to try such things. I'm lost. & there is no longer a YOU to guide me anymore..
Do i deserve this? Do you deserve this? Who's to decide that but us. But, I decide not to talk about that. So lets just skip it.
Loving someone,
does not mean they have to be together,
for the rest of their lives.
They'll wait.
Wait for the rest of their lives,
for each other.
Yours truly.
|
Profile
Ashley is the name. Short for Ash. Currently doing Communication at Taylors College. At times, I'm a very dramatic person.
I'm known as a tantrum-thrower with mood swings. Its bad, but, this is me.
I love fashion, but I do not claim myself as a fashionista. I love shopping, but I don't think I'm as extreme as a shoppaholic.
Basically, I will go nuts and gaga over shoes that make me go horny and lick my lips. No, I'm not materialistic, but I do love branded-goods. Like, which girl doesn't?
Not to mention..
I ♥ Emiraldi
|
Network
|
Archive
-
Cupid Is Gone
|
