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Icon: LJ/sixthmile
Layout: tuesdaynight
Inspiration: DayBefore!Misery
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Words
Written on: Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Time: 11:02 AM
Say, it sucks to know that nobody stops you when you're going to leave. The feeling of unwanted and unloved is across my forehead. I still do remember crying like an ass. Tears start pouring down my cheeks when you hung up without saying a word. Red blotchy face, with a mind that had gone crazy and nuts. To know that maybe this time, you're giving up. Still crying and jumping around, don't know what to do anymore as I'm feeling so lost inside my heart and mind, without thinking twice, I ran to the bathroom and quickly change. In a second, I was outside my house, running to you, with red eyes and heavy eyebag as I didn't have the chance to sleep peacefully. With an empty stomach, stinky self, I didn't bother about it. People stopping their cars to check on me as I was running like a crazy girl early in the morning. I wanted to faint. I wanted to faint right there, so you could catch me. But, I know it won't happened. As I've reached to you, I apologized and hugged you tightly from the back. What I couldn't belive was, you sent me back home. That moment, I guess thats it. I've proven enough. I decided to walk home. Feeling half satiesfied, yet the other half is filled with dissapointment. Satiesfied, for being the brave one who walked all the way to show up and apologize. Dissapointment, for thinking maybe I didn't do enough for you. As I was walking away, you called my name and asked me not to leave.
You brought me to a special place. Where there was a tree. A tree that is big enough to climb on. & you told me, you used to climbed up that tree when you were a little boy. It meant alot to me, as you brought me to places where you used to play, and go to when you were a kid. Before that, I was still crying. On your chest. People were watching me. But, what the heck, I couldn't care less. Because, all I could ever think of, is you. I was afraid of losing you.
What sadden me most, is that you never stood up and stop me. Instead, you gave me a "whatever". & told me, if I want to leave so much, then go ahead. & that I'm hurting you so much, damaging you so much. Why must it be a "me-me" situation? Can't it be a "me-and-you" situation? You told me to tell you how I'm feeling. There, the first chance. But, you just let it go. Even without stopping me, you didn't leave me a text message asking me not to leave. It broke my heart. I swear, this is much more worse than you cheating on me. But, of course, you didn't cheat on me. I appreciate that. I really do. I was just saying the "IF" issue.
It is really breaking my heart that you didn't try to stop me. It really is. While losing you is what I fear most, I swear to god, I cried so much, I came to find you and stop you from leaving me. & all I'm getting is THIS. It practically BROKE my heart.
I guess, I've made up my mind. Stopping me to leave for months, would really really meant alot to me. Really. But, you didn't. I thought maybe you'll leave me a text message. But, you're just not the same guy I used to date. You're already not afraid of losing me. Not afraid that I'll really leave. So what is the point of staying while nothing is left for me here? Basically, when you didn't stopped me, really, NOTHING is left for me to stay here.
ps: There is NO need to call/text/find him about all this issue. This is MY blog. So if you really want to find out, ask ME.
So I guess I learned a very valuable lesson this week ~ communication is NOT key,
so if something bothers you,
keep your mouth shut and smile,
or you will end up apologizing later.
- Audrina Patridge
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Words
Written on: Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Time: 11:02 AM
Say, it sucks to know that nobody stops you when you're going to leave. The feeling of unwanted and unloved is across my forehead. I still do remember crying like an ass. Tears start pouring down my cheeks when you hung up without saying a word. Red blotchy face, with a mind that had gone crazy and nuts. To know that maybe this time, you're giving up. Still crying and jumping around, don't know what to do anymore as I'm feeling so lost inside my heart and mind, without thinking twice, I ran to the bathroom and quickly change. In a second, I was outside my house, running to you, with red eyes and heavy eyebag as I didn't have the chance to sleep peacefully. With an empty stomach, stinky self, I didn't bother about it. People stopping their cars to check on me as I was running like a crazy girl early in the morning. I wanted to faint. I wanted to faint right there, so you could catch me. But, I know it won't happened. As I've reached to you, I apologized and hugged you tightly from the back. What I couldn't belive was, you sent me back home. That moment, I guess thats it. I've proven enough. I decided to walk home. Feeling half satiesfied, yet the other half is filled with dissapointment. Satiesfied, for being the brave one who walked all the way to show up and apologize. Dissapointment, for thinking maybe I didn't do enough for you. As I was walking away, you called my name and asked me not to leave.
You brought me to a special place. Where there was a tree. A tree that is big enough to climb on. & you told me, you used to climbed up that tree when you were a little boy. It meant alot to me, as you brought me to places where you used to play, and go to when you were a kid. Before that, I was still crying. On your chest. People were watching me. But, what the heck, I couldn't care less. Because, all I could ever think of, is you. I was afraid of losing you.
What sadden me most, is that you never stood up and stop me. Instead, you gave me a "whatever". & told me, if I want to leave so much, then go ahead. & that I'm hurting you so much, damaging you so much. Why must it be a "me-me" situation? Can't it be a "me-and-you" situation? You told me to tell you how I'm feeling. There, the first chance. But, you just let it go. Even without stopping me, you didn't leave me a text message asking me not to leave. It broke my heart. I swear, this is much more worse than you cheating on me. But, of course, you didn't cheat on me. I appreciate that. I really do. I was just saying the "IF" issue.
It is really breaking my heart that you didn't try to stop me. It really is. While losing you is what I fear most, I swear to god, I cried so much, I came to find you and stop you from leaving me. & all I'm getting is THIS. It practically BROKE my heart.
I guess, I've made up my mind. Stopping me to leave for months, would really really meant alot to me. Really. But, you didn't. I thought maybe you'll leave me a text message. But, you're just not the same guy I used to date. You're already not afraid of losing me. Not afraid that I'll really leave. So what is the point of staying while nothing is left for me here? Basically, when you didn't stopped me, really, NOTHING is left for me to stay here.
ps: There is NO need to call/text/find him about all this issue. This is MY blog. So if you really want to find out, ask ME.
So I guess I learned a very valuable lesson this week ~ communication is NOT key,
so if something bothers you,
keep your mouth shut and smile,
or you will end up apologizing later.
- Audrina Patridge
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Profile
Ashley is the name. Short for Ash. Currently doing Communication at Taylors College. At times, I'm a very dramatic person.
I'm known as a tantrum-thrower with mood swings. Its bad, but, this is me.
I love fashion, but I do not claim myself as a fashionista. I love shopping, but I don't think I'm as extreme as a shoppaholic.
Basically, I will go nuts and gaga over shoes that make me go horny and lick my lips. No, I'm not materialistic, but I do love branded-goods. Like, which girl doesn't?
Not to mention..
I ♥ Emiraldi
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